i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
