super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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