I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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