At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
