the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize