Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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