areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
