I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
