I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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