I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
