he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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