chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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