I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
