I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
