if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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