I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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