How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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