why didn't you poke me back
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
