she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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