Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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