At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
