i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
