nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
