I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
