youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
