Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
