i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
