I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
