cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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