Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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