my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Don't make out with my wife yet
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
