this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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