9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
