hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
