I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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