WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
