you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Alive.
So much puke
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
