yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
