In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
