Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
