So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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