why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize