I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
kristin has been a bad kristin
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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