she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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