Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
