I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
