i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
