If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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