Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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