Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
