Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
