oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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