how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize