i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
