i think my tv is drunk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Damn victory sex feels great
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
