Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
