So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
