I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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