I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
