You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
