a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Of course I have a pirate flag
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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