Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
