She just used a chaser for red wine.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
