I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
