I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
