He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
