david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
