I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
