I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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