I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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