Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
