My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
