I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
