Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
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