You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Let's get the cat blown out
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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