I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
