I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it's like iHOP with fire
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
