just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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