Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
