Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
