i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
