just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
