I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize