I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize