Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize