He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
