I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
