dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
