and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
