Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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