drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize