**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
