is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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